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Good girl, good boy: Why is it okay to say "NO"?
Being kind and considerate is a great quality. We want people to like us, parents to be happy, teachers to appreciate our efforts, and friends to respect us. But what if the effort to please everyone starts to overwhelm us?
Why are we sometimes afraid to say "no"?
We are afraid of letting someone down or losing their liking.
We think that if we always agree, we will be more popular.
We often adapt to others, even when we do not feel good doing so.
What happens when we try to please at all costs?
We feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or even unhappy.
We start to forget about ourselves and our own needs.
We can become irritable, frustrated, or sad because of this, and it can also affect the relationships around us.
WHAT SITUATIONS CAN A CHILD FIND THEMSELVES IN?
They are forced to disproportionately and constantly share toys or things.
They are forced over the long term to play games or do activities that they do not enjoy or find pleasant.
They are forced to spend time with people they do not get along with or do not feel comfortable around – even within the family.
They have to meet the expectations of parents, teachers, or coaches, even if it is not in line with their needs or feelings in the long term.
WHAT CONSEQUENCES CAN CHILDREN CARRY INTO ADULTHOOD?
Low self-esteem and a sense of inadequacy.
Chronic stress, anxiety, or even depression.
Problems in interpersonal relationships, inability to set boundaries.
Burnout at work or in personal life.
WHY IS HEALTHY SELFISHNESS OKAY?
Our energy and time are valuable resources that we must protect.
We have the right to have our own opinions, feelings, and needs.
True friends and loved ones will understand that we have boundaries.
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR CHILDREN?
Talk to your child about the importance of boundaries and that it is okay to say "no".
Show by your own example how to refuse politely and firmly. Children learn by imitation, so your example is key for them.
If you as a parent sometimes catch yourself pushing your child to please others, do not be afraid to admit it. It is nothing to be ashamed of; each of us learned it somewhere at some point. It is important to know that we can change it at any time.
WANT TO LEARN MORE?
Recommended literature in Czech:
Nedělej Zagorku!: Jak být sám sebou a najít v životě štěstí (Lucie Kolaříková)
Respektovat a být respektován (Pavel Kopřiva, Jana Nováčková)
REMEMBER: Setting healthy boundaries and occasionally saying "no" is not selfish, but important. Thanks to this, you will have more energy, joy, and time for things that are truly important to you. When you learn to say "no", you will be better friends, even in relation to yourself.
IN CONCLUSION: We do not always have to be just "nice". We can be ourselves – with our own opinions, needs, and boundaries. When we allow ourselves this, we will be happier and our relationships will be healthier. Let's take a small step today to teach this to our children too. They learn from us.
